can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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