So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
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