i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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