Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
