The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
