I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
