There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My vagina is very pro this idea
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
