See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
