YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
