I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
