you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
this just has baby written all over it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
