my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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