My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You took a bar mat shot.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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