Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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