i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
