So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
