dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
