had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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