I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
