You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize