He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
