You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
