He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We smell like vodka and hangover
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