wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
