You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
