How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
