i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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