Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
