ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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