Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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