so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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