Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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