I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
