We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's never too late to be topless.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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