i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
