his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
