Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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