margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
