So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
