yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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