Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
