If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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