His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
