she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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