I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
