I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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