i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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