does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
