Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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