this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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