what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
