I think i peed on brittanys purse
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
