i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
