So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
