Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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