Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
