maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
