Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
