You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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