dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
this just has baby written all over it
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
