drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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