just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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