Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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