im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
