franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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