Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
