I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
NoShamevember. You game?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
