It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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