FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
