Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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