Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
