so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
