you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
