i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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