sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
