Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
