You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
