Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
