Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize