Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
