I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I am naked and annoyed.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
