Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
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I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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