listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
